Jump Off The Sinking Ship--And Build A New One

I turned 45 this year, with the acute realization that my age is approximately half-way to the ages that both grandmothers lived.  Believe me, it is a blaring wake-up call about what I want for my life.

And what I realize most: What my life is now--I did that to me.  It was my personal life formula that got me here. Certainly, I had help during certain times of my life. Other times, I looked for help and not enough seemed to be there. But, in the end, the sum of my choices during my lifetime makes up who I am.

Nobody did this to me but myself. Yes, I did have a rather traumatic childhood. And I do think that when I was younger, it wasn't all me that made the choices. But at a certain point, it is not the childhood that is still ruling a person's life. At some stage, we come to realize that it is us in our adulthood doing it to ourselves.

When I was a younger adult, I waited for people to guide me, to give me unique opportunities, and for some absurd luck to single me out. I waited a long time, suspended in my "Life of Wait." After many years of waiting, I realized that neither Guidance nor Luck were going to come riding in on a white horse to save my day.

Nobody was going to save me from my life, but me. I realized that I should quit waiting and do something! Back in 2006, I hit a month where I was 50 pounds more than I weigh now.  I think I realized then that it was time to--jump the sinking ship.

Yes, my personal formula was terrible. Much of it was an utter disaster. I was lonely, crying to myself, eating so much candy to drug my gloominess, resentful, mentally over-burdened, etc.... So much excess fat was the physical manifestation of my life's condition.

(Nobody's personal formula is all bad. Even during my worst years, I was still a very good mother and was helpful and kind. However, I can't ignore that the worst aspects also seeped to my children.)

I made the huge drastic choice to "jump the sinking ship." I reformulated my entire life. I rethought my attitudes about everything. I made a list about things I wanted for my life--and took real steps (not just daydreams) to accomplish those tasks. I learned to make friends, which is a skill that can be developed. I got humble and intently listened to people who were doing much better in their lives than I was. My actions of following through on their good advice helped changed my life. I went to the gym and learned who I really was, through trials, tribulations, and triumphs. I built a new ship that not only stayed afloat but sailed too.

All of this has been happening since 2006, maybe even tinges of it in 2004 and 2005. Possibly even earlier. It takes a long time to build a fine ship, and I am still doing work on my new ship.

I've come to realize that it was a very good thing to allow the old ship to sink. It was fatally flawed. No matter what I would have done, my life would have ended up so much lower than my potential had I not started again with a brand new ship.

Not everyone has to build a new ship. But, friends, if your personal formula is fatally flawed and nobody is coming to save you from yourself, jump off. Don't waste your life tweaking a Titanic. Make a (much!) better life for yourself. Do the hard work to painstakingly craft a new ship that has the true ability to sail toward your goals and dreams. Do the hard work because *you love yourself.*

Have a marvelous day!

:-) Marion